Like this:

A visitor recently posted this comment:

“My wife and I watch porn together, we love it quiet frankly. When we make love we sometimes turn on some porn and it makes the experiance more exciting, we’re not afraid or ashamed to try new things. My wife and I have a wonderful relationship and we learn new things from porn, it keeps excitement in the bedroom, I think when you lose that excitement of making love with you’re partner then the real problems of marriage occur, like infidelity and lusting for others, so I really think porn is a good thing.”

As exciting as this might seem, if you stop and really think about it you will see that doing this is like inviting cancer to start forming in your body. You aren’t going to see the negative effects of cancer right away, but eventually you are going to be faced with a life threatening problem. Watching pornography with your spouse will lead to destruction in your marriage.

I agree with the visitor that when the excitement is lost in the bedroom it increases the chances of infidelity and lusting for others. But his solution to that problem, adding pornography to stimulate the desire in the bedroom, is not going to prevent that from happening; in fact, it is going to increase the likelihood of infidelity and it already begins the issue of lusting after others. If you are watching a video of a couple having sex you are naturally going to be arroused by seeing a woman who is really enjoying everything that her man does to her in every position they do it in (read my additional thought at the end about that being a problem in itself). So during this viewing whose breasts are creating desire in you? Whose moans of delight are you hearing? Are you putting yourself in the setting as the one giving the female character that pleasure? Your wife happens to be in the room with you watching and you both are being filled with desire, but where is the desire coming from? Not from your wife.

What’s the big deal? So the desire may not be coming from your wife anymore, but you are still having great sex. As I mentioned, it is like a cancer, eventually you are going to start noticing problems and they are going to grow worse with time. Here are some problems that are going to occur:

1. You will become reliant upon the pornography for creating desire.
If you have stimulated desire by using pornography in the bedroom what happens when you don’t use it? It is pretty difficult for our natural desire to compete with that, so you will find that you are reliant on the pornography for creating the desire. Then your spouse’s role simply becomes being the logical outlet for releasing the desire the pornography has created.

2. You want to have sex but your wife isn’t interested
Guess what. You don’t need her to be filled with desire … that’s what the porn is for. When she is asleep or out of the house you can watch your video and be filled with desire. Since you know she isn’t interested right now you are going to have to find some other outlet for your release (I guess we don’t need our wives for that either).

3. Lusting for others. Infidelity problems.
Pornography = Lust. This is one thing I can guarantee; if you are watching pornography you are also lusting after others. When you see a beautiful woman at the mall, at work, or at church, your mind will gravitate towards thoughts of seeing her naked or having sex with her. What happens when you meet someone who is interested in you … will you have sex with them? If they fill you with desire then likely so.

So even if you just look at how this is going to affect your marriage you can see that it can only be destructive. There was something about your wife that you found sexually attractive when you married her — stick with that and being a good husband and there should be plenty of excitement in the bedroom.

Additional Thought: Pornography Videos vs. Real Sex I can speak from personal experience here. Great sex is nothing like what you see in movies and even less like what you see in pornographic videos. It took me years into my marriage to figure that out. Let’s be realistic — the people you see in the movies are acting and the positions they use are selected to arouse their viewers, not to satisfy their partner. So don’t be fooled into thinking that the positions or the method of sex that you see in videos are going to satisfy your spouse.