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Shared by a reader:

“I have experienced alot of addictions in my life, tobbaco, alcohol, drugs, porn, masterbation and work. I have managed to beat the tobbaco, alcohol and drugs but I have been held captive by the other three for forty years. I know I have to work but it has been a tool for me to hide behind so no one can see my other secrets. I don’t know maybe they already know? but don’t know what to do.

I love my family very much and I would not intentualy do anything to hurt them, but this secert has taken me to a place where it seems theres nothing left. I have no spiritual help, I have pulled so far away from christ that I don’t know where to start. My work has always been something that gave me hope and the feeling of normal in one part of my life, but with this economy change, the one thing that makes life worth while is family. And I am deceiving them. This can not go on, they deserve more than this.

I know I am a good person. I know I have alot more to offer. But not with this cloud of darkness I carry everywhere I go. I’m tired, I can’t hide it any longer. This is the first act of confession I have ever in 40 years made in any form. Someone , something , please!! help me find my way to the place I need to be that will give me peace from this burden. (Its not a good place that I’m in)”

If you want relief from the burden then sharing your secret is the only option. I carried the burden of my secret for about 8 years before I realized the need to share it with my wife. There were times when I would lay in bed with my heart pounding wondering if my wife knew .. had she found out? There is no doubt in my mind that if I hadn’t broken down and told my wife that I would be carrying the same burden for 40 years.

It is apparent that you love your family, very much, and I imagine that the last thing you want to do is disappoint or hurt them. It will hurt your spouse, but she deserves the truth just like my wife deserved the truth. Addiction to pornography is really no different than having an affair so expect for her to have similar emotions and for this to be a lengthy process of healing. My wife felt like she had somehow failed or wasn’t adequate because she thought I wasn’t satisfied with her. She asked questions like what type of sites I visited, when did I visit them, how often, did I masturbate when I looked at pornography, and the topics weren’t always easy to talk about but I was always truthful. She was quick to forgive me but the hurt remained for some time. So be prepared that sharing your addiction is going to bring about pain but that it will be worth it for both you and your spouse because it will allow you to start the process of becoming the husband you want to be.

A word of caution … don’t expect that just because you shared your addiction that you are going to be freed immediately from it’s grasp. It took more than a year after I told my wife before I could finally say pornography was no longer part of my life. My problem was that I shared with her but then after a few months fell back into the same habits that ended up leading to the pornography problems (watching cable tv at night, working on the computer late at night, etc.). If I could do it all over here are the steps I would take and that I am recommending for you:

Step 1: Pray. “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1-9. No matter how far we have fallen into sin Christ’s death is sufficient for us.

Step 2: Share with your spouse. When telling her about your addiction I would recommend letting her know that you are committed to seeking help and then follow through on that commitment. If you are unsure of how to share it with her then speaking with a counselor first will be beneficial.

Step 3: Get involved in some support of recovery group or see a counselor. This is what I failed to do and looking back I really wish I had gotten involved in something. A counselor is good, but if you can find someone or a group that has gone through the same struggles it will really help you.

Step 4: Cut out the garbage. I often imagine I am in a wrestling match with lust. Over the years I fed my opponent with things like: internet porngraphy, movies with sex scenes, Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Editions and Victoria’s Secrets catalogs, cable tv, etc. I created a huge fat sumo wrestler as my opponent that I didn’t stand a chance against. Lust doesn’t disappear overnight, you have to starve it and it takes a long time. So try to avoid anything that is going to cause temptation and, if you are tempted, follow the Bible’s advice and flee from the temptation.

You can’t undo 40 years of addiction, but you can use the pain that it has caused to help others. The pornography industry is making money off of our addictions and with the tv shows, movies, and advertisements of today there are many others that are falling prey to the same problem. Since sharing with my wife I have shared about this addiction with my siblings, my father, a few coworkers and some friends … when my sons grow up I will share it with them. You will be surprised at how many people you know that are in your same situation and they just need someone to help out. My hope is that you will use your experience to help others escape from their addictions and to warn others who might eventually fall into the trap.

I will keep you in prayer.

Robert

Need some Advice? If anyone would like any type of advice on this topic, please email me at breakingtheaddiction@hotmail.com and I will be more than happy to reply to you. You may also Leave a Comment if you prefer.