I want to highlight a comment posted today by a man who recently shared his addiction with his wife:
I took your advice and told my wife that I have been looking at online porn. I also had to tell her that I have been addicted to porn since I was very young. I spilled it all. I told her how much I hate it, and yet I find myself looking at it anyways. I told her that it’s like a drug that I can’t stop. I told her about the stupid and small things that trigger the urges. I told her that I can’t even watch TV without being tempted. I told her about my weakness, and my failures.
God gave me a very good woman for a wife. She didn’t freak out, and she didn’t get upset. She thanked me for being honest with her, and she told me that she understood. Wow! We talked for a little while longer about it, and then we went and got ice cream. I did not expect it to go that way!
It wasn’t easy for me to come out with that. But I’m sure that it wasn’t easy for her to hear either, even though she took it very well. It has brought us closer together, and now she can help me overcome this thing. It helps a lot to be accountable to my wife. Yes it’s a humbling experience, but I’ve found out that pride has no part in addiction recovery. I’ve learned that the moment I think that I’ve got this thing down, I will fall shortly after. Those famous words are true. “Pride goes before the fall”.
My wife wants to help me, but I have to do my part too. If I don’t go to her when I’m having the temptations, then I’m still trying to fight this thing by myself. And of course, as I’ve learned from experience, I can’t do it by myself.
What an awesome story! It takes a lot of courage to do this and sharing your struggles is the biggest step in fighting against pornography. There is no one better to share it with than the person in your life it affects the most, your spouse.
There seems to be a huge misconception that porn addictions go away when you get married. I breifly talked about my problem with my wife before we got married. Neither one of us really thought much of its impact on us later. It goes away when you get married, right???? Its been two years and I can feel it sneeking back in, starts with those little “harmless” things… The ones that got me started so many years ago. Then your wife is gone for a few days and you break…. Think about how you’ve wired your brain. I come home from a stressfull day at work to this amazing woman, what do I think about???? PORN!!!!!!! I’ve spent 15 years of my life wiring my brain to deal with stress by looking at porn. That PISSES ME OFF!!!!!!!!!! And now I have to do one of the hardest things for a guy to do, tell my wife that I am BROKEN…. and I can’t fix myself. Yes, talking to your wife about it has got to be WAY easier on her and you, than her CATCHING you when you fall (and you will sooner or later). I’ll let you know how our conversation goes in a few days when she gets home. I am actualy kinda excited for a new try to break this. This time with the help of my wife. I really don’t think you can do this alone, especialy when being alone was one of the factors that got you into it…. I hope it doesn’t take me 15 years to unwire my brain and another 15 years to rewire it right.
By: Nathan on June 14, 2011
at 1:11 am
God blessed me with an amazing woman. I’m sure its hurting her more than she lets on but she is 100 percent on board for helping me with this addiction. It wasn’t easy to talk about it but we agreed, Me starting the conversation was much easier than her catching me wrapped up in this crap. We haven’t worked out a full plan yet but just starting with talking about it, her asking me how I’m doing with it now and then should help keep me more accountable. We talked about trigger points so she will know when I’m more likly to fall. She is going to do some research as to how she can help, see whats out there. Anybody have any other sugestions?????
By: Nathan on June 27, 2011
at 7:45 am
Just be honest, with yourself. From personal experience, you won’t want to tell her when you mess up. She may be understanding, but it will hurt her everytime that you tell her that you slipped up. She may not tell you that, but it will hurt her. Being a man who loves his wife, you would never want to hurt her, and that could lead to deception. It’s not that you want to lie, but you don’t want to be the cause of her pain.
On a more positive note, read your Bible. Pray with your wife. And keep it in your mind that you won’t be perfect. You will make mistakes, but God’s grace is far greater than your shortcomings. Stay humble, and don’t be afraid to admit when your wrong. Your wife will see that you are sincere, and she will love you even more for it. Don’t try so hard to be a perfect man, just keep your mind focused on good things, and you will live a better life “by accident” so to speak. Set no wicked thing before your eyes, and your mind will stay clean. If your mind is clean, your life will be clean. But it takes practice, and lots of prayer, and you may need to fast. But if you’re really serious about breaking this bondage, you will do whatever it takes. Remember, your strength comes from Christ. On your own you can do nothing. If you fall, get back up and move on. Don’t dwell on your mistakes, it will only make things worse. Remember that you’re not alone, reach out to others who struggle with this bondage. God knows, there are plenty of us around.
May God bless you and your wife.
By: j on July 13, 2011
at 7:48 pm